Infused with wisdom and a strong dose of humor, Making Hostile Words Harmless offers therapists and their clients a unique collection of effective exercises and bully-busting responses guaranteed to diffuse difficult exchanges. The book uses the martial art of Aikido, or the 'way of harmony' as a model to teach the 'verbal arts' of confirming, inquiring, understanding, and evoking. It is filled with sample dialogues, case vignettes and other tools for using this approach in private practice or in workshops.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1. Difficult People and the Art of Aikidō
The Martial Arts—East Does Not Meet West
Verbal Arts; Instinctual Reactions
Turning The Spotlight
Response vs. Reaction
Chapter 2. Acting As If—The Art Of Confirming
The Art of Agreement
Speak It As You Want It
Counting on Compliments
Drama Is Worth a Thousand Words
Reverse Resistance with Psychology
Exercise; All Purpose Confirmations
Chapter 3. Asking Questions—The Art Of Inquiry
Dialogues
Pseudo Questions
Asking Questions to Avoid Assumptions
Asking Hidden Questions to Promote Contemplation
The Spotlight Effect
Asking Questions to Prevent Prying
Asking Questions to Evoke Inquiry
Asking Questions that Give People a False Choice
Asking Questions that Predict Success
Exercise; All Purpose Questions
Chapter 4. Active Listening—The Art Of Understanding
How Listening Became “Active;”
Obedient Listening
The Amazing Mirror Mind
Therapeutic Triangles—Reflect Harsh Words Away from Targets
Narrating Behavior and Diction
Naming the Game
Filial Therapy Narrations
Refinement of Active Listening
Active Listening Add-ons
Active Listening for Empowerment
Exercise
The Advantages of Active Listening
Chapter 5. Hypnosis & Humor—The Art Of Evoking
Modern Hypnotherapy
Hypnotic Basics in the Verbal Arts
Advanced Hypnotic Patterns
Exercise
The Comedy Connection
Chapter 6. Taking a Stand by Opposing
The I-Position
Taking a Stand Effortlessly
Disagreeing Effortlessly
Handling a Backlash
Buber Takes a Stand
Chapter 7. Teaching Positive Speaking To Clients
Positive Speaking Training Steps
Aikidō Cross Training
Positive Speaking for Inter-Personal Issues
Interference from Inner Bullies
The Limits of Positive Speaking
The Goals of Positive Speaking
Maintaining Balance with “High Wire Families”
Chapter 8. Workshops on Positive Speaking
Possible Titles
Program Description
Learning Objectives
Materials
Scripted Program Outline
Quiz
Feedback Form
Handout
Quiz Answers
Appendix I. Verbal Arts Terms
Appendix II. All Purpose, One-Liners
Appendix III. Psychotherapy Approaches Referenced in this Text
References
Index
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